woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
