Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
