Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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