grandma shit on top of the toilet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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