It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
