Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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