I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
