He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
