I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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