we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
