I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Boobs are out for the taking
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
