I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
