How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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