ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
