i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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