I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
