Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
