Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need moral support for this bender
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
