Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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