Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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