He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
