cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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