I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
