wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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