No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
