I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
