I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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