I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
