I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
