So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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