atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
