he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
