Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
