Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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