is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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