Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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