I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I pour the whiskey from now on
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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