it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
