I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
