so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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