Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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