We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
