I'm really into asian looking animals
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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