I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
