I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
