In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
