i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
