Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
