Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
