Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
