I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
