apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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