that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
